


That Wonderful Feeling of Negativity

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Drama, F/M, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-09
Updated: 2014-10-09
Packaged: 2018-02-20 11:26:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2426993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I hardly know how to talk about this with Emily.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	That Wonderful Feeling of Negativity

**Author's Note:**

> I need to thank [](http://secondheartbeat.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://secondheartbeat.livejournal.com/)**secondheartbeat** for finding the questions for the HIV test using her Google powers because I was seriously getting nowhere. I wanted this story to be a little uncomfortable but still sweet. I dont know if I succeeded as I wanted to but I've read through it a few times and it is sick of me now so I am throwing it out of the nests and letting it fly.

“Good Morning, Aaron. You want to come on back?”

 

“Yeah,” he put down the two month old _Vanity Fair_ that he wasn’t reading anyway. Hotch stood and followed the doctor.

 

“Tell me how you’ve been.” She said.

 

“Busy with work, of course. I guess that’s it really.”

 

“How is Jack?” Dr. Margaret Collins asked.  “Is he seeing a good pediatrician?”

 

“Haley takes him to Dr. Herrera in Fairfax. Its family medicine so they both get good services there.”

 

“She is one of the best in the area.”

 

“The kid grows faster than I can blink. I swear everyday Haley is sending me new photos.”

 

“He’s adjusting well?”

 

Hotch nodded, stepping onto the scale. He didn’t know if Jack was adjusting well. Whenever he saw his son, they were happy together. Jack didn’t cry anymore when his father dropped him off though it was clear they were all still adjusting to the situation they were thrust into. The scale beeped and Hotch got off. Dr. Collins wrote something in his chart.

 

“Come into the exam room; tell me what's going on.”

 

“Well um…” Hotch sat on the table and cleared his throat.

 

“Kim told me you had a few aches and pains, some trouble sleeping again. Roll up your sleeve; lets take your blood pressure.”

 

Hotch did as she asked, grimacing as the machine got tighter around his arm. When the machine beeped, more numbers were written in his chart.

 

“What’s the damage?” he asked.

 

“125 over 90; it could be worse. That’s actually better than it’s been on past visits. Do you think its time to discuss a prescription sleep aid?”

 

“No,” he shook his head. “With my work I cannot be groggy. The teas you told me about have truly helped.”

 

“Exhaustion cannot be good for your job either.” Margaret replied, sitting in her chair.

 

“I am doing the best I can.”

 

“I know. So, aches and pains? Tell me what's going on.”

 

“Its not aches and pains; nothing beyond the usual anyway.”

 

“What's going on Aaron? I've been your doctor for almost 15 years; we have seen our share of awkward conversations. Just talk to me.”

 

“I have a girlfriend.” Hotch said.

 

“You're seeing someone?” Margaret asked, smiling. “For how long?”

 

“About six months now. It’s complicated.”

 

“No doubt,” Margaret replied, nodding. “I won't press for a social security number or other vital information. Whatever we talk about here is privileged, you know that, and only you can override that privilege.”

 

“We’re intimate and um…maybe I'm stupid but…” Hotch cleared his throat, looking up to the heavens for guidance. “We haven’t used protection.”

 

“You're not using condoms?”

 

“Right,” Hotch nodded. “Emily is on birth control.”

 

“Have you ever used condoms?” Margaret asked.

 

“A few times in the beginning. I don't know Margaret; I don’t even know why we didn’t. I just thought since she was on birth control we wouldn’t have to worry about her getting pregnant but…”

 

“Do you believe she has given you an STD?”

 

“Of course not. About 3 weeks ago I couldn’t sleep so I was watching a special on the Discovery Channel. It was about the emergence of new HIV cases in straight people from 35 to 60. The stats in DC alone were terrifying. I'm not a kid anymore and I was not raised in Generation AIDS. I hardly know how to talk about this with Emily. I thought if I talked about it with you first I might not make an ass of myself when the time came.”

 

“So you’ve never talked about it? Not even the quick ‘I swear I'm clean’ conversation?”

 

“No,” Hotch shook his head. “I was married for so long and Emily has not been in a relationship for a long time. I admit to being uncomfortable discussing her sexual past; I don’t want to know how many men she has slept with. I know her well enough to believe I am the only man she didn’t use protection with but I might be wrong. How can you think someone you care for might be careless with your life?”

 

Margaret reached into her drawer, grabbing some paperwork to attach to Hotch’s lengthy file.

 

“The majority of people who pass STDs around do so because they don’t know they have them, Aaron. We should probably get right down to the embarrassing questions.” She said. “Are you ready?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“What is your sexual orientation?” she asked.

 

“Heterosexual.”

 

“Have you had sex with a woman in the past year?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“How many?”

 

“Two.”

 

“Vaginal, anal, and/or oral?”

 

“Yes, no, yes.”

 

“Have you had sex with a man in the past year?”

 

“No.”

 

“Have you had sex with a paid sex worker in the past year?” she asked.

 

“No.”

 

“Have you had sex with someone who injects drugs?”

 

“No.”

 

“Have you used a needle to inject drugs in the past year?”

 

“No.”

 

“Have you had sex with someone known to have HIV or AIDS in the past year?”

 

“No.”

 

“Do you or any sexual partners use meth, cocaine, crack, or heroin?”

 

“No.”

 

“Have you ever tested positive for an STD?”

 

“No.”

 

“Have you ever used needles to inject drugs?”

 

“No.”

 

“How many HIV tests have you had before today?”

 

“None.”

 

“OK, we’ll test you now.”

 

“That’s it? I'm pretty clean; that feels good.”

 

“Did you think you weren’t Aaron?”

 

“No, but its still good to have it confirmed. He replied.

 

“Should I scare the hell out of you by giving you the percentages of people in your age bracket who answer no to nearly every question and get positive results?”

 

“I would truly appreciate if you didn’t.” Hotch rolled up his sleeve.

 

“We don’t need blood, we can just swab your mouth.” Margaret stood, walking over to her drawer and pulling out an HIV swab test. “I am really proud of you, Aaron. Discussing sex with your partner is complicated enough…an STD test can be excruciating. You pushed that all aside for the good of your health.”

 

“The program honestly scared me. I don’t know if I'm going to watch the Discovery Channel again.”

 

“Open up,” Margaret replied laughing.

 

***

 

It was not often that they had the opportunity for a real date. Emily could admit to feelings of giddiness when she found the note on her desk, ‘ _Dinner, Saturday night, dress pretty. I can't wait to see you, Aaron_.’ She went out and bought a new dress for the occasion, a purple vintage Marc Jacobs sundress from her favorite secondhand designer boutique. She pulled her hair up, put on her pearls, and felt so beautiful. Emily walked through the restaurant, butterflies in her stomach, and smiled when she saw him. She loved that Hotch always stood when she walked into a room; there was something wonderful about that.

 

“You look beautiful,” Hotch kissed her lips before holding out her chair. He bent to whisper in her ear, kissing the soft spot behind it. “You smell amazing.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“I hope you don’t mind but I ordered a bottle of wine for us. It’s a nice Riesling.”

 

“That sounds good.”

 

He poured her a glass as Emily looked over the menu. Equinox was one of her favorite restaurants in the city; it had been too long since she sat and enjoyed a meal. Her present company made the experience even more pleasant. Public displays of the new relationship were rare indeed.

 

“I feel silly admitting how excited I am about tonight.” She said.

 

“I am too. I don’t like that we don’t get to do simple things like dinner more often,” he reached across the table for her hand. “You're probably going to kill me when you find out why I made these plans.”

 

“Bad news?” Emily put down her menu. “What's going on?”

 

“Its not bad news, I promise. We will order dinner and we’ll talk.”

 

Emily nodded, trying her best to smile. Her stomach dropped but she was not going to let speculation about anything ruin a lovely meal. The marinated lamb chops sounded delicious.

 

***

 

“We are supposed to be talking SSA Hotchner. I don’t think it was about how beautiful my eyes are.”

 

“They truly are,” Hotch smiled as the dinner dishes were removed. He kept the conversation light and jovial over the entrée and wine. Now they waited for coffee and dessert. He held her hand in his, relishing how smooth her skin was to the touch. His thumb went back and forth over her knuckles.

 

“I am getting more nervous by the second, Hotch. I think it might be best if you just dropped it on me…I can handle it.”

 

“Five days ago I had an HIV test.” He said.

 

“Was it your first?” Emily asked.

 

He was taken aback that the news itself didn’t mortify her but felt it was better to keep talking.

 

“Yes. It was embarrassing at some points, and altogether uncomfortable, but something I knew I had to do. The numbers are staggering Em; the number of new HIV cases in our age group. With divorce on the rise so many people are getting back out there and it’s scary. We should have talked about it months ago.”

 

“Maybe we felt if we didn’t that this wasn’t the start of a real relationship.” She replied.

 

Their conversation stopped when the double chocolate mousse cake and coffee arrived. The cake was for Emily, the coffee for them both. Hotch shook his head when the server asked if they needed anything else. Alone again, he pulled the envelope from his inside jacket pocket and handed it to her.

 

“I think I didn’t talk about it because while fear lived somewhere deep in my subconscious, my rational mind never believed it could happen to me. Here are my results. I want you to be tested Emily; I want us to be safe together. Forgive me for not being adamant about that from the beginning.”

 

“I have to take some responsibility for that too. I trusted you, and your health, Hotch. Perhaps it was naïve, perhaps it was plain stupid, but I did. I never thought you would knowingly expose me to something deadly and you had been married for so long…” Emily didn’t finish her thought as she looked at the piece of paper. He was negative for HIV. He was negative for herpes, syphilis, Chlamydia, and gonorrhea.

 

“When you are in the throes of something new, wonderful and quite passionate, you might not want to ruin it with talk of burning sensations and numbers of sexual partners. I never, ever, ever want to talk about number of sexual partners. Your health is important to me though, and I wasn’t sure if maybe I could have been exposed to something if my ex-wife was unfaithful.”

 

“I understand.” Emily nodded, sipping her coffee. “I get tested for STDs, including HIV, every year with my Pap smear. I had one five months ago.”

 

“Um, OK.”

 

“What? What's that funny look on your face, Hotch?”

 

“I don’t have a funny look on my face. I just…” he made the funny look again.

 

“What? Pap smear?”

 

“Don’t,” Hotch covered his ears.

 

“Oh my God,” Emily laughed. “You have a mother, you had a wife, and you are afraid of the words Pap smear?”

 

“Stop it. You're doing it on purpose now.”

 

“You are the cutest thing.”

 

“Really?” he smiled.

 

“Pap smear.”

 

“Emily, stop that.” He covered his ears again as she laughed.

 

“OK, OK, I’ll stop; I'm sorry.”

 

“Tell me I'm cute again.” He said.

 

“You are so cute, and I think you were brave to do this. I can imagine that you never thought you would need to.”

 

“Being intimate with you is the icing on the cake of what I hope continues to be a fulfilling and meaningful relationship. I know we don’t always sit around and talk about the future but we needed to talk about this. It’s important that there is no trepidation in discussing things like this.”

 

There were surely enough hurdles for them to cross; sex should not be enough of them. Sex was actually quite easy; it was the consequences and aftermath of the activity that could cause irreparable harm. She was in love with Aaron Hotchner, there was no doubt about that, but there were complications. There were always complications. Not wanting to think about it, she was always thinking about it, Emily put on a smile.

 

“Tell me what you're thinking.” Hotch said, sipping his coffee. “I know you're thinking.”

 

“I'm trying not to. I want to eat this delicious chocolate, go home, and celebrate a clean bill of health.”

 

“I love you, Em. I know I don’t always…”

 

“Shh,” Emily put a finger over Hotch’s lips. “Don’t say another word. Well, answer one question for me…do you wanna share this cake?”

 

Hotch grabbed a fork and smiled. Emily cut off a piece, feeding it to him.

 

“Mmm, it’s really good,” he said. “Everything about tonight is good. I was nervous coming in; I've been nervous for a week.”

 

“I can't blame you; you should have told me. You know you can talk to me about anything you're feeling, right?”

 

“Yes.” He nodded.

 

“I love you too; I am crazy about you. I'm ready and go home and show you.”

 

“Check please.” Hotch raised his hand to get the server’s attention.

 

***

                                                                                                                                    



End file.
